My local phone guy wouldn't touch it because he had no idea what it was. Fair. I let it dry, been checking once a week or so, I've accepted it's not coming back to life.
I contacted f(x)tec, who responded very promptly given the current state of the world, and offered a very generous discount under their service replacement policy. I was not expecting that at all, as they really have no responsibility for this mishap beyond releasing a phone that they transparently stated had no waterproofing. I asked if trying to service it would void that offer, and they replied as long as I can put it